Perhaps it’s a predictable irony that in an election cycle that could realistically deliver the first female president, so much of the commentary has been about men. Or rather, not about men exactly, but about “masculinity.” Because somehow, in 2024, we still find ourselves unable to talk about men and boys without using masculinity as the basic frame of reference.

在一个有可能产生美国首位女总统的选举周期中，诸多评论却放在男性身上，或许这是一个并不让人意外的讽刺吧。或者更准确地说，评论并不完全是关于男性，而是围绕着“男子气概”展开的。因为不知何故，到了2024年，我们发现自己在谈论男人和男孩时，依然无法不以男子气概作为基本的参考框架。

The electorate is faced with a choice, the story goes, between two models for masculinity. Toxic versus positive. In response to the vein-popping, furious, felon model of the right, the left is offering us a more morally upstanding and expansive “positive masculinity.”

说起来，选民们要在有毒的和正面的这两种男子气概模式之间做出选择。为了回应右派青筋暴起、火冒三丈、穷凶极恶的男性样版，左派向我们提供了一种道德上更高尚、更豪爽的“正面男子气概”。

“Positive masculinity” has been around for a while. Most likely coined in early 2000s by psychologists as a way of working with male patients in therapy, the term has now become the go-to framework for the wider progressive discussion about boys and men. It has also inspired a spate of programs and initiatives aimed at enticing boys to embrace more feminine-coded virtues such as emotional vulnerability and nurturing. Masculinity has had an unfairly bad rap, its proponents argue, becoming permanently shackled to the word “toxic.” Positive masculinity is an attempt to rebrand and reinstate it for the next generation, often with the claim that unlike the insecure posturing of the shirt-ripping strongmen, this is, in fact, “real” manhood.

“正面男子气概”已经存在一段时间了。这个词很可能是在21世纪初由心理学家创造的，作为与男性病人进行治疗合作的一种方式，它现在已经成为更广泛的关于男孩和男人的进步讨论的首选框架。它还激发了一系列旨在吸引男孩接受更多女性化美德的项目和倡议，比如情感脆弱和教养。男子气概的支持者认为，阳刚之气一直背着并不公平的坏名声，并且永远与“有毒”这个词联系在一起。正面的男子气概是为下一代进行重塑和恢复的一种尝试，而且通常的说法是，与那些耀武扬威的硬汉所显露出的内心忐忑不同，这才是“真正的”男子气概。

The model is not a radical departure. Positive masculinity still draws on all the old trappings and anxieties of traditional manliness, the same belief that there is such a thing as a “real man” and the same fears of falling short. As its political standard-bearer, the Democratic vice-presidential nominee, Tim Walz, is still required to constantly prove his masculine credentials. It is only by presenting as a man’s man and a veteran who loads his speech with sports metaphors and gun references that he earns the social leeway for his more feminist sensibilities. After all, only a “real man” is secure enough to fight for tampons in the grade school bathrooms.

这种模式并非对传统男子气概的彻底背离。正面的男子气概仍然利用了传统男子气概的所有旧有特征和焦虑，依然抱有存在“真男人”的信念，以及对男子气不足的担忧。作为这种气质的政治代表，民主党副总统候选人蒂姆·沃尔兹仍然需要不断证明自己的男性资质。唯有以男子气概和老兵形象示人，并在演讲中大量使用体育比喻和枪支暗语，他才能为自己身上更具女性主义色彩的情感赢得社会宽容的空间。毕竟，只有“真男人”才拥有足够的安全感去争取在学校的卫生间里放置卫生棉。

After the cartoon supervillainy of Donald Trump and the smarmy misogyny of JD Vance, the “positive masculinity” of Walz and his ilk is a joyful relief, and these programs are often doing good work. But when it comes to truly shifting cultural norms for the next generation of boys and allowing them to embrace their full humanity without shame, we might do better to ditch the masculinity rhetoric altogether. Because rather than challenging the old stereotypes and patterns, the whole positive masculinity framework actually seems to be reinforcing them.

在唐纳德·特朗普的卡通式超级恶棍形象和JD·万斯的油腻厌女主义之后，沃尔兹及其同类的“正面男子气概”是一种令人愉悦的解脱，而且这些项目往往做得不错。但是，若要真正改变下一代男孩的文化范式，让他们坦然拥抱自己完整的人性，我们最好完全抛弃男子汉气概的那套说辞。这是因为正面的男子气概框架其实看来并没有挑战旧的刻板印象和模式，反而强化了它们。

“Healthy or positive masculinity is the idea that men can be emotionally expressive, have female friends or mentors, and express their emotions without feeling emasculated,” the website of one such program in North Carolina says. The former professional football player Don McPherson uses the branding “Aspirational Masculinity” for groups he runs for boys and young men that focus on violence prevention and emotional vulnerability. When three psychologists from the American Psychological Association’s Society for the Psychological Study of Men and Masculinities set up a similar initiative for adolescent boys, their stated goal was to preserve the positive about traditional masculinity “while jettisoning what’s bad.”

“健康或积极的男子气概是指男性可以表达情感，有女性朋友或女性导师，表达自己的情感而不会觉得自己遭到了阉割，”北卡罗来纳州一个此类项目的网站上写道。前职业橄榄球运动员唐·麦克弗森将他为男孩和年轻男性开办的专注于预防暴力和情感脆弱的组织称为“有抱负的男子汉气概”。当美国心理学会男性和男子气概心理研究学会的三名心理学家为青春期男孩发起类似倡议时，他们宣称的目标是保留传统男子气概的积极一面，“同时摒弃不好的一面。”

“While keeping men strong, we want to remove the aspects of strength that get us in trouble,” one of them said, not quite able to get onboard with any conception of manhood that did not basically come down to strength.

“在保持男性的坚强的同时，我们希望消除力量当中让我们陷入麻烦的方面，”其中一人说道，他认为任何关于男性的观念最终都应该归结于力量，否则很难认同。

It would be hard to imagine a program aimed at busting stereotypes for girls that branded itself “Aspirational Femininity” and told girls that they could be scientists or chief executives or rugby players or president of the United States and “still be feminine and attractive.” Or any mainstream news outlet suggesting that two female politicians were offering the electorate “two models for femininity.” Thanks to the work of the feminist movement, any self-respecting progressive would instinctively flag the framing as either laughably reductive or straight-up oppressive. But we still see masculinity as something innate and immovable, rather than a limiting social construct.

难以想像一个旨在打破对女孩刻板印象的项目，以“有抱负的女性气质”来命名，并告诉女孩，她们可以在成为科学家、首席执行官、橄榄球运动员或美国总统的同时，“仍然保持女性气质和吸引力。”或者任何主流新闻媒体声称两位女性政治人士向选民提供了“两个女性气质的典范”。得益于女权运动的努力，任何自尊自爱的进步人士都会本能地将这种表述标记为可笑的简化或直接的压迫。但我们仍然认为，男子气概是一种与生俱来的、不可改变的东西，而不是一种限制性的社会构建。

There is a lurking sexism in the whole positive masculinity conceit. If we have to attach the label “masculine” to a behavior before it can have value to men, then we are subtly communicating that embracing anything associated with women is a demotion, even an indignity. “Positive masculinity” is not about de-gendering universal human qualities, and certainly not about encouraging boys to believe that they could have something to learn from women or female cultural norms. It’s more an attempt to scrub away the humiliating stain of womanhood from any trait or behavior before letting boys anywhere near it.

在整个正面的男子气概的自负中隐藏着一种性别歧视。如果我们必须给某种行为贴上“阳刚”的标签，它才对男性具有价值，那么我们就在巧妙地传达这样的信息：接受与女性有关的任何事物都是一种降级，甚至是一种侮辱。“正面的男子气概”并不是要将人类普遍的品质去性别化，更不是鼓励男孩相信他们可以从女性或女性文化规范中学到一些东西。它更像是一种尝试，在让男孩接近之前，先要从任何特征或行为中抹去女性身份的耻辱污点。

While the implication is certainly demeaning to girls and women, the main psychological harms of this model are to men and boys themselves. These attempts to expand the definition of what can be considered masculine end up reinforcing the idea that masculinity itself is sacrosanct, so fundamental to male worth that boys must never abandon it altogether.

虽然这无疑是对女孩和女性的贬低，但这种样版所造成的主要心理伤害实际上是对男性和男孩自身的。这些试图扩大男子气概定义的尝试最终强化了这样一种观点，即男子气概本身是神圣不可侵犯的，是男性价值的根本所在，男孩永远不能彻底放弃它。

But it is the pressures of masculinity — the constant insistence that there is such a thing as a “real man” and the cold dread of falling short — that is at the root of many of boys’ problems in the first place, making them more insecure and anxious, emotionally repressed and socially isolated.

然而，正是男性气概的压力——即不断坚持“真男人”的存在，以及对未能达到这一标准的恐惧——正是许多男孩问题的根源所在，这使他们更加缺乏安全感，以及焦虑、情感压抑和社会孤立。

As research for my book “BoyMom,” I interviewed boys from many situations and backgrounds, and this fear showed up keenly. Masculinity didn’t seem to be so much a source of pride for them as a nagging cause of anxiety. The boys told me either explicitly or implicitly about how the pressure to meet some unattainable standard for manliness weighed on them, forcing them into a kind of posturing rigidity and creating a constant background level of fear.

在撰写《男孩·母亲》(BoyMom)一书时，我采访了来自不同背景和环境的男孩，这种恐惧表现得非常明显。对他们来说，男子气概与其说是骄傲的源泉，不如说是使人焦虑的原因。男孩们或明确或隐晦地告诉我，要达到某种无法企及的男子气概的标准让他们倍感重压，迫使他们进入一种装腔作势的僵硬姿态，并制造出一种持续的恐惧感。

The pressure to be tough and masculine came from all sides — from social media and movies, from parents (especially fathers) and teachers and peers. “I have it ingrained in me that I have something to prove at all times,” as one 20-year-old described it. “There’s a feeling of never being enough.” (A couple of years previously, this young man had shattered a vertebra lifting weights in an attempt to achieve the kind of hyper-muscled physique he had seen from masculinity influencers on social media.)

要坚强和阳刚的压力来自四面八方——从社交媒体到电影，从父母（尤其是父亲）到老师和同龄人。“我的内心深处根深蒂固地认为，我要随时证明自己，”一位20岁的年轻人这样描述。“有一种永远都不够的感觉。”（几年前，这个年轻人在举重时脊椎骨折，当时他试图获得从社交媒体上的男性气质网红所展示的那种肌肉发达的体格。）

“You always have to prove and reprove it,” a 19-year-old in California said, in a conversation about the role of masculinity in his life. “It includes the way that you see yourself, the way that you connect with others, the way that you motivate yourself.”

“你需要不断去证明和驳斥它，”加州一名19岁的学生在谈到阳刚之气在生活中的作用时说。“包括你看待自己的方式，你与他人交往的方式，你激励自己的方式。”

“There’s just this fear of being a feminine man,” a 12th grader in New York told me. “Like society’s undertone is almost forcing these masculine values — they’re kind of trapping you.” These boys generally presented as traditionally masculine, but felt constantly slightly on edge, always just one wrong move away from being branded a wuss or a pussy. Those who did not conform to the masculine ideal had it worse, having generally internalized a deep sense of shame. As one gay 16-year-old put it, “I just had a sense of guilt in me for not wanting to be all that,” he said, adding, “It just felt like I was wrong.”

“就是害怕成为女性化的男人，”纽约的一名12年级学生告诉我。“就像社会潜在地几乎总是在强加这些男性化的价值观——差不多是在困住你。”这些男孩通常表现得像是传统意义上的男性，但总是感到有点紧张，距离被贴上胆小鬼或娘娘腔的标签总是只有一步之遥。那些不符合男性理想的人情况更糟，他们通常内化了一种深刻的羞耻感。正如一名16岁的同性恋者所说，“我只是有一种负罪感，因为我不想成为那样的人，”他说。“我只是觉得自己错了。”

They all understood instinctively what our politicians are also frantically demonstrating — that their manliness is under constant scrutiny and that masculinity is, by its nature, precarious, a status that can be revoked at any moment. Men and boys work overtime to avoid the threat of emasculation, because the social price they pay for it is so high.

他们都本能地理解我们的政治人物也在疯狂展示的东西——他们的阳刚之气受到不断的审视，而阳刚之气本质上是不稳定的，是一种随时都可能被撤销的地位。男人和男孩加班工作，以避免感到阉割的威胁，因为他们为此付出的社会代价是如此之高。

The shame of failing to meet these rigid gender expectations also has wider consequences. Evidence suggests that men’s internalized belief that they do not meet society’s expectations for manhood can be a major cause of violence. Psychologists call this phenomenon “masculine discrepancy stress,” and research shows that the more acutely men suffer from it, the more likely they are to commit almost every type of violent act, including sexual violence, intimate partner violence and assault with a weapon, as well as to indulge in a range of risky behaviors.

未能满足这些严格性别期望的耻辱还会产生更广泛的后果。有证据表明，男性内心认为自己不符合社会对阳刚之气的期望可能是暴力的主要原因。心理学家称这种现象为“男性差异压力”，研究表明，男性遭受这种压力的程度越严重，他们就越有可能实施几乎所有类型的暴力行为，包括性暴力、亲密伴侣暴力和武器攻击，以及沉迷于一系列危险行为。

None of this is to say, of course, that there are not many positive qualities associated with masculinity. Strength, bravery, heroism, physical toughness and even emotional stoicism in the right contexts can all be wonderful qualities, even lifesaving ones (though of course they are not exclusive to men). But the idea that boys must use masculinity as a constant reference point for their own value is restrictive and harmful to them and others. What the boys I interviewed needed was not a new model for masculinity but for the important adults in their lives to grant them freedom from that paradigm altogether.

当然，这并不是说，阳刚之气当中没有很多积极的品质。在适当的情况下，力量、勇敢、英雄主义、身体的强健，甚至情感上的坚忍，都可以是很好的品质，甚至是挽救生命的品质（当然，这些品质并不是男性的专属）。但是，男孩必须将阳刚之气作为自身价值的恒定参照点的想法是有局限的，对他们乃至其他人来说都是有害的。我采访的男孩们需要的不是一种新的阳刚气概的模式，而是生活中重要的成年人给予他们完全摆脱这种模式的自由。

All humans, regardless of gender, have the capacity and the need for toughness and fallibility, gentleness and emotionality, wild courage and tender nurture. If we really want to help boys break free and find more expansive and healthier ways to show up in the world, it’s not “positive masculinity” that they need, but full humanity.

所有的人，不分性别，都有能力、也都需要坚强和脆弱，温柔和感性，狂野的勇气和温柔的教养。如果我们真的想帮助男孩挣脱束缚，找到更广阔、更健康的方式去生活在这个世界上，他们需要的不是“正面的男子气概”，而是完整的人性。